Ghostbuster on the Roof
by GirlX2
Summary: The Ghostbusters sing warped versions of the songs in 'Fiddler on the Roof'.
1. The Firehouse

Ghostbuster on the Roof

By GirlX2

(I don't own GB's or Fiddler. I'm in Fiddler right now, so of course, my warped mind produced this...Enjoy! Theres more comin'!)

The Firehouse

(The curtain rises. We see the firehouse, a shadowed figure (Egon) is on the roof. Peter enters, dragging some piece of equipment behind him.)

Peter: A Ghostbuster on the roof. Sounds crazy, right?

Egon: Peter? I could use that safety harness.

Peter: But here in New York, at one time or another, you might say every one of us a Ghostbuster on the roof, trying to keep the firehouse in decent shape. It isn't easy.

Egon: Peter? The harness?

Peter: You may ask 'Why do we stay up there if it's so dangerous?' Well, we stay because the firehouse is our home.

Egon: Peter, please!

Peter: And how do we keep our balance? That I can tell you in a few words:

Egon: (We see him tumble from the roof) PETER!

Peter: Um, the safety harness. I'll be back. (He hurries off to help Egon)

Winston: (Enters, caring several boards)

Who, day and night, must scramble for a living,  
Feed three other men, say his daily prayers?  
And who has the right, as fixer of the car  
To have the final twinkee for desert?  
The Mechanic! The Mechanic!

(He exits)  
Egon: (Enters, rubbing his neck after the fall)  
Who must know the way to make a proper trap,  
A versatile trap, a functional trap?  
Who must trap and disperse the ghosts,  
So Peters free to keep the financial books?  
The Physicist! The Physicist!

(He exits)  
Ray: (Enters)

At eighteen I started studying, next year learned Gozer's name

I hear they've got a new book for me, I hope it's ancient.  
The Occultist! The Occultist!  
(He exits)

Peter: (Enters with safety harness wrapped around his neck)  
And who does Egon teach to run the stuff he picks?

Preparing me to mend it, next time we're in a fix?  
The Psychologist! The Psychologist!

(The other three come back in, seem rather embarrassed at being caught singing, and leave.)

Peter: (Unwraps the safety harness from his neck. ) Without our firehouse our lives would be as shaky as... as a Ghostbuster on the roof!

(The curtain falls. )

-

Don't worry...more coming! Or perhaps, do worry...:P


	2. GearMaker

(The curtain rises. Egon, Winston and Ray are wrking amid many parts in the Lab)

Egon: Ray you're the youngest. You've got to try out this new equipment before I can!

Winston: And before me!

Ray: That doesn't seem like a fair way to determine who should go first.

Egon: Well, we also drew straws.

Ray: (sighs, begins to set up equipment)

Gear-maker, Gear-maker, make me some Gear.  
Give me some cogs, Some stuff I can hear.  
Gear-maker, Gear-maker, study your books  
And make me a some 'Busting gear.  
Winston: Gear-maker, Gear-maker, I'll bring the tools.  
You bring the plans, you'll see we're no fools.  
Give me the 'prints, cuz I'm longing to be  
The envy of all I see.  
Ray: For Peter, make it low cost

Winston: For Egon, make it work hard as a king  
Both: For me, well, I wouldn't holler  
If it was as simple as anything!  
Ray: Gear-maker, Gear-maker, make me some Gear.  
Give me some cogs, Some stuff I can hear.  
Night after night, in the dark, we're alone  
So bring me some gear for my own!  
Egon: Since when are you interested in being alone Ray? I thought you wanted to have us in sight at all times! (addresses Winston) And I though you had your eye on the plans for the new thrower handle.

Winston: Well, we only have four throwers, and we only have one new handle. Why should I want the best?

Egon: Because we're still paying off the last new things we bought!  
Winston, oh Winston, have I made trap for you  
It's innovative! It's fresh! Alright, it _might _kill you  
But it's a nice trap, a good trap. True? True!  
I promise you will like it. And even if you don't,  
You'll probably survive…small chance you won't. (Turns to Ray)  
Raymond! I've planned it! You'll be a lucky guy!

It's untested! Untried! You might, of course, die…  
But it's a good plan, a great plan, Right? Right!  
You've heard it has mistakes, it leaves you open on the right  
But only when it's used against class fours, so you're alright!

(He drops the false air of joviality)

Did you think you'd have a flawless test?  
Ray: Well I do the best I can.

Winston & Ray: With no testing, no money, no scientific background,  
Be glad you got the plans!  
Ray: (resigned) Gear-maker, Gear-maker, you know that I'm  
Still very young. Please, give me time.  
Winston: Up to this minute, I've misunderstood  
That I could get blown up, but good.  
All three: Dear Peter, see that we eat sometimes

Remember, we need to rest a bit too

It's not that we're overachievers

It's just that we're anxious to try something new!

Ray: Gear-maker, Gear-maker, give me no plans.  
I'm in no rush. maybe I've learned  
Playing with new stuff a guy can get burned.

All three: So bring me no nails, give me no tools

Find me no find, plan me no plans

Unless they're for the computers new Lan!

(The curtain falls.)

-

Still more coming! BUAHAHAHA!


	3. If I were a Rich Man Ala Venkman

IF I WERE A RICH MAN

(The curtain falls, and rises to reveal a new scene. Peter is sitting alone at his desk.)

Peter: (To the sky) Dear God, you made many, many poor people.  
I realize, of course, that it's no shame to be poor.  
But it's no great honor either!  
So, what would have been so bad if we'd started this company and made a small fortune?  
(Begins to sing)

If I were a rich man,

La la la la la la la la la la la  
All day long I'd sprawl out like a bum.  
If I were a wealthy man.  
I wouldn't have to work hard.  
La la la la la la la la la la la  
If I were a tiny bitty rich,  
Idle, little idle, idle man  
I'd build a big tall place with apartments in the dozens,  
Right in the middle of the town.  
A fine solid roof with real marble floors below.  
There would be one big elevator just going up,  
And one even grander coming down,  
And one more going nowhere, just for show.  
I'd fill my yard with chicks and hot tubs and friends

For the guys to see and hear.

Partying just as nosily as they can.  
And each loud cheer and 'wow' and 'cool' and 'dude'  
Would land like a trumpet on the ear,  
As if to say "Here lives a wealthy man."  
(He sighs)  
If I were a rich man,

La la la la la la la la la la la  
All day long I'd sprawl out like a bum.  
If I were a wealthy man.  
I wouldn't have to work hard.  
La la la la la la la la la la la  
If I were a tiny bitty rich,  
Idle, little idle, idle man  
I see my friends, my buddies, looking like rich man's friends  
With proper gear and rides.  
Experimenting to their heart's delight.  
I'd see them putting on new suits, and make new equipment.  
Oh, what a happy mood they're in.  
making the lab explode day and night!  
The most beautiful girls in town would come to fawn on me!  
They would ask me to date them,  
Like Hugh Hefner, I'd rate them.  
"Oh please, Peter Venkman..."  
"On your knees, Peter Venkman..."  
Posing in ways that would cross poor Stantz's eyes!

(He sighs)  
And it won't make one bit of difference if I know their names or not.  
When you're rich, they think you're really great!  
If I were rich, I'd have the time that I lack  
To sit in on the couch and watch TV.  
And maybe have a seat by the kitchen hall.  
And I'd discuss out what's up in our lives with my friends, several hours every day.  
That would be the sweetest thing of all.  
(He sighs, more heavily this time)

If I were a rich man,

La la la la la la la la la la la  
All day long I'd sprawl out like a bum.  
If I were a wealthy man.  
I wouldn't have to work hard.  
La la la la la la la la la la la  
God who made the Slimer feel like a clam

You decreed I should be what I am.

Would it spoil some vast eternal plan

If I were a wealthy man?

(The curtain falls.)


	4. PreBust Prayres

PRE-BUST PRAYRES

(We see Egon watching the others enter an obviously haunted building. He looks worried. He begins to sing.)

Egon: May the Lord protect and defend you.  
May He always keep you from pain  
May you come to be  
In 'Tobin's Guide' a shining name.

May you be like Doctors gone before us  
May you be deserving of praise.  
Strengthen them, Oh Lord,  
And keep them from the darker ways.

May God bless you and grant you long lives.  
May the Lord fulfill my pre-bust prayer for you.  
May God give you true aim, and nine lives  
May He send you girlfriends who will care for you  
May the Lord protect and defend you.  
May the Lord preserve you from pain.  
Favor them, Oh Lord, with happiness and peace.  
Oh, hear my pre-bust prayer. Amen.  
(Egon looks a little more at ease, and goes to join his comrades. The curtain falls.)


End file.
